MILLE ET UNE RAISONS DE REFUSER UN MANUSCRIT (2e degré)

Si vous ne comprenez que le premier degré, ne lisez pas ce qui suit...


" Don't read the manuscript. Most of your slush will bear marks of unprofessionalism that will indicate total unsuitability for our needs, many visible to the trained eye before you even open the envelope. You're armed with our Standard Rejection Form, saying that the enclosed manuscript "does not meet our current needs." Use it if any of the following conditions are true:

Is the envelope smaller than an 8 1/2" by 11" piece of paper? Reject it. Remember Budrys' Law: nothing good ever came folded in half, or, horrors, in thirds.

Is the envelope taped shut? Send it back. Have you ever in your life received an empty envelope in the mail? This one's paranoid and will be in your face with query letters in a week.

Does the author claim membership in SFWA or HWA on the outside of the envelope? Boing. This guy's a desperate egomaniac.

Are there any cute graphics--stamped, drawn, or included on any stickers--anywhere? Any decorative seals? Political associations? Environmental concerns? Bounce it; you don't want to deal with this person, since he's dumb enough to try to foist his political views or artistic tastes on an editor.

Next, open the envelope. Use a sharp letter opener. Never stick your finger into an unopened envelope; you don't know what sort of evil surprise lurks inside. If there's a stamped, self-addressed envelope (SASE) in there and any of the conditions in the list above are true, stuff Form Number One into the SASE along with the front page of the manuscript--nobody ever sends enough postage or a big enough envelope for the whole manuscript, so don't worry about it--and seal it shut. Do not lick a strange envelope for the same reason you don't blindly stick your finger in one: you don't know where it's been.

If there's no SASE, dump the entire package into the recycling bin. Do the same if there's metered postage on the SASE; the post office won't take it after the date that's on the tape.

If there's a postcard included, tear it up and reject the manuscript. The author is questioning your ability to reject his manuscript in anything less than record time; you'll show him!

If you still haven't rejected it by now, you're going to have to take the manuscript out of the envelope. But relax; most will include one of the following glaring errors, relieving you from the responsibility of actually having to read the manuscript:

Is there a paper clip holding the manuscript together? If not, reject it. This goes double for staples, twist-ties, wire-o binding, and any other method. If there is a paper clip, remove it and proceed to the next step. Under no circumstances should you ever return a paper clip with a submission, even if there's enough postage and a big enough envelope.

Is the ink less than darkest black? Or does this appear to be a photocopy, no matter how good? Bounce it; the author's either too cheap to buy a new ribbon or toner cartridge or--worse--is submitting this manuscript to several markets at once.

Is the author using a pseudonym? Reject the manuscript. How could it possibly be any good if he doesn't want his name on it?

Is there any copyright information whatsoever on the manuscript? This guy's a paranoid rookie who thinks you're going to steal his work; send it back and save yourself the heartache.

Does any font except ten-character-per-inch Courier--the kind that looks like a typewriter produced it--appear anywhere in the manuscript? Reject it; he's trying to ruin your eyes. Same goes for anything less than pathologically correct formatting: keep a ruler handy to measure those margins!

Does an exact word count appear at the top of the page? Hoo-boy. This one thinks each and every one of his stinking little words must be present and accounted for when you cut your check. Boingeroo.

Was the author dumb enough to admit he's an "associate" or "affiliate" member of SFWA or HWA? Bounce it. Also bounce any that just say "member, SFWA/HWA" and not "Active Member."

If you haven't bounced the manuscript by the time you've reached this point, fear not. You still haven't looked at the cover letter. Cover letters are where a surprisingly large number of the authors who do manage to produce a professionally-formatted manuscript and mail it to you without slipping up reveal their true colors. Here's where you're going to nail anyone who encloses a cover letter that says anything more or less than "Dear Editor: Here's [name of story], about [approximate count] words. Kindly consider it for publication within Pusillanimous Prevarications. I enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope for your response; please recycle the manuscript when you are finished with it."


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